Indelible, Sharpie-Level Relationships

I just finished reading Bittersweet by Susan Cain, and I loved it so much I had to draw pictures and write to you about it.

I was going to call this post a “book review.” But “review” feels way too heavy handed for the tone I’m going for here. I’m seeking something more warm and celebratory—like hugging a friend you haven’t seen in a long time—because that’s kind of what this book felt like to read. Like coming home and talking to your sibling or best friend or spouse until 2 AM and remembering all the things that make you feel alive and loved. That probably sounds dramatic. But it feels like such a gift when a piece of art or writing really speaks to you. That’s what happened for me with Susan Cain’s thoughtful book “Bittersweet.”

In the book’s introduction Cain writes,

“This book is about the melancholic direction, which I call the “bittersweet”: a tendency to states of longing, poignancy, and sorrow; an acute awareness of passing time; and a curiously piercing joy at the beauty of the world. The bittersweet is also about the recognition that light and dark, birth and death—bitter and sweet—are forever paired.

The book is divided into three parts on this topic. At the highest level, I’d describe these three sections as exploring bittersweet in the context of Part 1: creativity, Part 2: American work culture, and Part 3: navigating grief. This all might sound intense or clinical… or maybe too “out there,” but the level of research and deep thoughtfulness Cain gives to this topic is both reverent and a delight to consume.

I know I’m enjoying a book when I regularly pause to copy down quotes or explore ideas in my notebook as I’m reading. For me, a good book makes me want to savor and contemplate, write notes, maybe pick up my guitar, or sketch an idea. If a book sparks any of these things, I know it’s saying something important that I need to hear and I should pay attention. For instance, Susan Cain’s quote on creativity cut me right to my core. So much so that I turned it into a tiny zine.

The idea of turning a piece of paper into a tiny, doodley, rough-around-the-edges mini zine with a quote from a book might seem silly or pointless. But the process of making something like this helps me think. It turns words on a page into a concept I can physically move through page by page with supporting visuals. Suddenly the words become tangible to me.

Given what an insatiable nerd I am about making things, I assumed the creativity section of “Bittersweet” would be my favorite. But it was actually the exploration of grief in Part 3 that spoke to me the most. I’m still reflecting on why that is exactly, but I think it’s partially because it aligned so well with what I am trying to communicate in my comic “You Are With Me Always”. The concepts felt so timely to me. Like this quote:

In this section on grief, Susan Cain writes about Nora McInerny who gave a popular TED Talk about the distinction between moving on and moving forward. Susan writes,

After losing her husband Aaron to brain cancer, McInerny asked other bereaved partners what advice about grief they’d hated most. The most common reply: the exhortation to “move on.”

She herself had since remarried. She and her new husband had four kids in a blended family, a house in the suburbs, a rescue dog. Life was good, but it was also, she said, still with Aaron. Not “in the way it was before, which was much better… It’s just that he’s indelible, and he is so present.” He is present in her work, in the child they have together, in the person she’s become—the person her second husband fell in love with. She hasn’t moved on from Aaron, she says. She’s “moved forward with him.”

This concept of indelible people in your life punched me in the gut. I’ve decided to call these Sharpie-level relationships. People that you carry with you no matter what. Over great distances of space and time—across life changes big and small and across the greatest divide of all—death. I’m not saying these are all unicorn and rainbow relationships. More than anything, I’m talking about complex relationships. Relationships that leave an imprint on you. People who weave themselves into the fabric of who you are.

I’m not sure if I captured this with my capybara and bird friends in “You Are With Me Always,” but that’s exactly what I hoped to communicate. The impermanence, yet ever-presence of your indelible people and Sharpie-level relationships. These relationships are ever changing, but undeniably a part of who you are. Always.

Beyond style and subject matter, timing plays a huge role in how a book (or art of any kind) resonates. “Bittersweet” hit me at the exact right time. I’m feeling really grateful for that and wanted to share how “Bittersweet” resonated with me so it might hit you at exactly the right time too. I recommend picking it up at your local bookstore or library and giving it a leisurely read this summer. If you do decide to pick it up, or you have already read it, I’d love to know what you think! Leave a comment or reply via email anytime.

If you’d like to hear more about the book from the author, check out Susan Cain’s interview on the Creative Pep Talk podcast episode 369. This is one of my favorite podcasts. If you’re a creative type of any kind, I recommend checking it out!

Thanks for reading!

Thanks for all the kind words on “You Are With Me Always” last week! If you missed it, you can read the full comic here. If you’re interested in a printed copy, you can order one here.

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