Thanks so much for all the kind comments and messages in response to last week’s post I Lost My Biggest Fan. My love language is “words of affirmation,” and people who have gone out of their way to say thoughtful things or tell meaningful stories about my Dad has both brought me to tears and built me up. These words have felt like a life raft while I navigate the waves of grief.
The concept that grief comes in waves is the most accurate metaphor I’ve heard so far. A friend of mine who has also lost her dad texted me early on to check in saying, “I know how hard it can be and it comes in waves.” This resonated with me immediately because it’s exactly how it feels. There is this overarching haze—a filter and feeling that tinges the edges of everything I see and experience right now. But I’ll have these moments of clarity. I’ll notice something beautiful while out on a walk. I think of my Dad and smile about a memory. Then a moment later, I’m on the brink of tears talking to his cell phone carrier about closing his account, or I’m awake at 3AM spiraling about how unfair it all feels, or I’m simply walking to the mailbox and CRASH a wave hits.
I tried to write about it in the simplest shortest way I could in a tiny zine.
While I was working on it, another friend of mine (who has also lost his dad) shared this article called Grief Comes in Waves which is so spot on and was freakishly timely given what I had been working on and thinking about. If you’re navigating grief, it might resonate with you too.
All of this has reminded me what wonderful friends and family I have, which has made me feel really grateful amidst the heartache. And it has reminded me how important it is to reach out to people—to say something even when you don’t know what to say. I want to do a better job of this moving forward!
Trying to Enjoy Spooky Season
For a while, talking about fun things felt too trite and difficult. I saw a cool skull in someone’s yard and instead of thinking, “Wow, what a rad skull!” (my usual reaction) I felt sort of sick to my stomach while a strange sense of melancholy washed over me. I found this concerning, because skulls are obviously very cool and I usually like to draw them! But this morning I noticed my neighbors put up a giant spiderweb that fits their front porch perfectly and it made me smile. So I think I’m starting to have capacity for spooky, fun things again.
In that vein, I wanted to share my Cosmic Cat Skull design, which is available as a holographic sticker as well as on t-shirts, totes, and throw pillows. Perfect for spooky season and all-year-round for hardcore skull enthusiasts.
And my Spooky Pizza design feels very seasonally accurate as well as delicious.
The changing season has felt extra poetic to me this year. Everything seems to be steeped with more meaning and memories. For instance, when I was growing up Sunday was always frozen pizza night for my family. And for some reason the most acute memories I have of pizza night feel fall-ish to me. Maybe that’s because we were getting back into the groove of the school year and it felt like a respite from the week. The weeks had a rhythm and Sundays were a recurring relaxing evening where we took a beat and hung out as a family. We would page through the ads and comics in the Sunday paper and eat pizza while we watched 60 Minutes and whatever prime-time TV followed it. I won’t be paging through the paper or watching 60 Minutes tonight, but I am looking forward to having a nostalgic frozen pizza.
Thanks for reading!
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